My favorite type of antifeminism whinging is “WHAT ABOUT THE MEN OH NO HOW DARE YOU” whinging. Guess what ladies: lots of those bros don’t give one fuck about you or your equality. But yep keep paying them lip service. Trust me, they’re fine. They’ll manage without your support. That’s the whole fucking point.
I was listening to The Read and a listener asked them what their dream come true for their life would be. Like what would make them feel accomplished on this earth. What personal achievement is their primary?
So duh. I thought: what about me?
My first thought: I wanna be a VP … OR A P. An Executive. Very telling. I want to be well paid. And deserve it. I wanna be financially stable. And maybe have a good, chill place of my own. I wanna have enough money and flexibility to travel so much.
No tentacles of my brain thought “WIFE. MOTHER.” Which is surprising. I sometimes think I lie to myself with how comfortable I am about being single. I fear deep down it’s not okay with me. And being lonely is not okay. Not having regular sex is not okay. But I think I may be fine with my fate of singlehood forever.
Siiiiigh. Read and then learn the laws in your state. Part of the reason I asked for yet another raise was because I learned what we are paying others at my level (and under me — dude lower was making more :)). This is the second time this has happened at my company to me. This time it’s because the market has bounced back hugely in Chicago and I was hired 2 years ago. New people are being brought in much higher. So I made my case. I still don’t feel I’m being compensated totally fairly considering all the factors. I got around 60% of what I feel I should have gotten based on competitive. I know that though and I will make decisions based on that knowledge. Whatever those may be. But don’t be afraid to chat about such things and educate yourself.
"I’m so out of the loop. You always know what’s going on."
"Why do you get up so early?"
"You have no idea how lucky you are to have free time. When I go home from work I have a second job with my kids."
"You look healthy."
I hear these a lot. Not that last one necessarily or getting up early (nope!), but yeah. Insulting and annoying. Being on top of shit is my job. Answering emails efficiently and quickly is also part of my job, just like it’s part of yours!
So I got back from Italy 6 days ago, it was lovely! I had so much fun! I don’t know how much I have to post about it though. Next time you see me, we can chat about shit I did? I’d love to! I have lists and stuff about what I did that I may share. Frankly though, I’m not a travel blogger, I spent 9 days in Italy and don’t really feel the need to write more than 9 sentences about my trip. Instagram was fun, but the experience is wholly mine and I’m wholly lazy.
Before I left, since winter really, I’ve been thinking about moving to Europe (yes I know). Or more just thinking about what’s next for me. I turned down a job in ATL in January for very real reasons (not ready to go home forever). I was then promoted and given a raise (duh) that month. It made me more secure of course. Which led to the trip planning. But it also brought up: what the hell am I doing with my life? This? Only? The job shit I 100% got. I can do that and evolve with it for awhile. I can do this job anywhere. So … what else? What else am I going to do with my life? What the fuck else do I want? I can do anything, so what?
And I am just not long for Chicago. I’m not destined to be here. I enjoy it so much, but it’s not me. The only other places I would consider living in the US right now (NYC and SF) are too expensive for me. I couldn’t travel, and I am just not sure how much I want to live in those places. So for a few months I’ve been thinking about how to live abroad. Doing contract work until I MAYBE, MAYBE find a full time job. I started discussing this with a fellow consultant in February and got lots of advice.
Obviously the travel has solidified this desire but it’s so much more than that. I am a lucky duck. Lucky as fuck. Let’s consider:
I am single (100%)
I own zero property … or a car or anything like that
I have no pets and no plans to get a pet (ever)
No nieces, nephews I’d like to see a bunch
Majority of my friends are super married and my wedding commitments are petering out
My parents are healthy and content and don’t care if I live near them
I have the skillset for a job I could do almost anywhere in the world, and the badass ability to convince people I’m actually good at what I do
Plus I just got a brand spanking new raise on Friday. I felt the raise I received with my promotion in January was not an accurate reflection of the going market rate for my job and experience so I negotiated a +10% raise. This means I cannot be bumped up again for a year instead of in 6 months but that’s fine. A lot can change in a year.
So that helps things a bit. My plan… Continue in Chicago for 6 months to a year, looking for a remote contract job or a job abroad or a job with a US company that has an office abroad. If I get a WFH job, I will then consider traveling on tourist visas for awhile. Sell all my stuff or store it in ATL and then heading out. Obviously there’s a lot to figure out and I’m sort of content right now with my lot. But I just want a change eventually. A big one. I want adventures. More adventures. So sooner rather than later, I’m gone. For however long I can be gone.
I just keep getting struck with this feeling of I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. LITERALLY. No one can stop me. Money and visas are my only barriers. I need to take charge of my life and I resigned myself to the fact (awhile ago) that I may never find a partner. That’s so scary but if I don’t, I want to be happy. I want to have the life I can be proud of. I want to have so much fun. And see everything.
travelol blog: adventures in being a dumb american
69 hours till my flight. FOR REAL.
So I’ve been like so on top of my shit. This week I have…
spent bank at Walgreen’s and purchased all the tiny toiletries one lady will ever need + luggage locks + 2 types of condoms because I have somehow never bought condoms but figured I should be safe just in case and well whatever (I really don’t know how this is possible … maybe I’m blocking out years of my life? who knows)
called Wells Fargo and was all like, yeah tell me what you think I need to know about money shit and travel, please let me get my own money out of the ATM
called Chase and they informed me I’m smart as fuck and somehow have a credit card that has no foreign transaction surcharge
called AT&T and figured out how to be able to use my phone for phone calls in an emergency and not be charged a million dollars
wrote the most ridiculous coverage plan including a note to coworkers to never speak to me again past Friday (until July 10th … I guess)
emailed airbnb hosts and confirmed shit, including that they are not planning to fleece me
written out a packing list … that needs to be culled
I have not…
mastered Italian (like at all, my duolingo steez is lacking) (I guess I’ll get a phrase book?)
packed but I did just return from Milwaukee
done laundry … in like 3 weeks … I am gross
scanned in my documents
compiled an itinerary doc for my mother (who assumes I’m gonna get too dunk and then get Taken) (this is not half off-base I guess)
murdered any coworkers!
Anyways, I am ready. Still open to Florence / Rome tips / suggestions / places to eat more than I would in an entire month at home.
Erin wrote about people (women) watching the World Cup because the bros are fucking smokeshows. She sent me an email asking some questions about this. None of my answers were used, cool cool. But I wanted to place one of them here…
Women (and men) who watch WC because of the foxy dudes are just as valid of spectators as all others. There’s not a minimum knowledge bar that needs to be crossed to be able to get enjoyment from any sport. Sure, it’s good to know generally what’s going on, but it’s not necessary. My favorite part of sports: the community spirit, the athleticism on display, the screaming, the excitement, and the varying emotions. Appreciating bro’s looks fits right in with that mentality. Watch for whatever reason you want, if you want to. The notion that women hate sports is obviously dumb, but the flipside that we must know everything about a sport to like it — to be a real fan — is even more ludicrous. Who likes sports most / who knows the most is not a competition.
It’s easy for some sports-obsessed women to get snobby about “I know like everything about [insert sport here] and I’m a female so I’m so best and dudes should want to fuck me [or whatever] because I’m so into [sports stuff] and it’s so sexy.” BARF. You grow up and realize it’s dumb to compete over such things. This falls into that. I want to hang out with fun people who enjoy soccer and [other sports stuff] and I’m not going to require you like it for the right reasons before we can partake. That mentality gets old so incredibly fast.
Have fun. Drink beer. Or don’t. Just relax and appreciate it all for what it is: entertainment.
I’ve had a shitty week, on top of a shitty month. Mainly work, but also crushing loneliness … mainly because I finish all this drama and shit at work and I’m so exhausted and spent and I go to my hotel or home … and forever alone. So! Yay! Get in deep y’all, dig in. And now! Forcing a list of things that are wonderful and will be wonderful soon! Grateful … looking forward to … etc. I’m trying to teach my brain to be optimistic / more positive.
ITALIAN TINDER!!!!!!!! This just brings my heart joy thinking bout it. I hope it’s a thing.
ALL OF THE WINE. ALL OF THE GELATO. ALL OF THE PIZZA. ALL OF THE CHEESE. ALL OF THE PASTA. ALL OF THE FATNESS OF MY ASS.
Clickhole y’all. Clickhole is antidote to MY dark brainwaves. So I need their evilness in my day to day.
It’s fucking summer and I’m no longer stressed it’s going to snow any day now. Seriously. It was touch and go there till like May.
I have so much fun stuff going on next week (Cat Power at Ravinia! Company Rooftop Cubs Party!), then my trip + my birthday, the Braves v. Cubs weekend, then Pitchfork, then Bey and Jay. Gonna be a long 4 weeks.
I have dodged so many awful dude bullets this year. So I will recognize when one is not a bullet. Or a good bullet?
Obvious Child is apparently brillz and I’m gonna go see it tomorrow morning. Movies alone are a joy.
THE WORLD CUP. So many pretty men and thick thighs and beards and sweaty brows and taut nipples on my TV like all damn day.
THE WORLD CUP IN ITALY. I’mma need Italia or USA to get their shit into the next rounds though.
My hair is super long. This makes me happy. Really.
I’ve been in treat myself mode for awhile as I’ve decided to pull the trigger on things I’ve wanted for over 6 months to a year, like kept in an Amazon wish list. New TV, Clare Vivier messenger tote, Cuyana monogrammed wallet, kimonos, etc. I’ve cut budget elsewhere and I’m managing it. Disposable income is for disposing of.
The dude who I’d been talking to for a couple weeks and who stood me up last week and really hurt my feelings? I’ve imagined his death a million ways, it’s helped!
I bought some Cosabella bralettes and they sorta work? It’s sorta the best thing ever. I mean, they don’t do me many favors but fuck are they comfortable. (ENDORSE!)
My coworker brought me converters and adapters for my trip so I’m equipped.
My coworkers are the best and they are the only reason I don’t want to murder like … everyone currently.
Kathleen is the best as well. Super perfect. And my other buds.
OUTKAST TICKETS!!! I bought 2 Gold Circle tickets. Not sure who the second goes to yet. Most friends of mine got tix but maybe on different days. Lots are in on 9/27 though. Fuck and yes.
I’ve spaced out my big stuff well this year. April was Mullet Toss, Italy in a week, Outkast in September, and Dublin and Paris over Thanksgiving. What the fuck am I going to do next year?
I don’t think I’m dying of burst ovaries anymore. Obviously we’ll have to wait and see.
for real my coworker asked me about blogging my trip (someone cares, i promise). specifically about dudes. but other stuff too. instead of having a separate offshoot for that (or like a tinyletter lol). i’m likely just gonna check in here and let that be the place. i’m too lazy to have an offshoot. i’m bringing my laptop, staying in airbnb apts so have wifi so will be communicating with the world. i leave for 9 days in italy in 2 weeks. so unfollow if you don’t give a fuck or think i’m being braggy or unoriginal (which is my major fear).
whatever. my friends and family and coworkers are curious. you may not be. so. bye? i may post about planning too? i’m a crazy controlling project manager and have the most involved travel spreadsheet. idk. who cares. i am just ready to not work for more than a 36hr stretch! and drink my weight in wine and eat my apt’s sq footage in pasta and watch the world cup with italians and be a dumb american (unintentionally).
itinerary: 3 days in florence, 1 day in siena for the palio, 5 days in rome (including my 31st birthday).