I am a woman on a mission. That mission is to find the tackiest suit that would work on a lady with my breast situation (very large, unruly, natural, dumb, unabiding, enjoy some support). I am returning to the Gulf Shores area at the end of April for Mullet Toss 2k14 with 14 of my nearest and dearest and I want, nay — NEED, new novelty suits. The American flag monokini that I own that cost me $15 has always been too scandalous to wear in public as my nipples are not fair game for the entire world. The others I own are fine but I’m tired of them. I want new and fun! I want the Spring Breakers pink and purple tiger monokini that is unavailable to buy anywhere. I want trash, I want the tackiest, but I want to actually be able to wear it without getting a ticket for indecent exposure.
So I ask y’all, people of the internet! Send me things you find that fit the description. If they’re under $50 that’d be cool too. If you do so and it’s perfect, I will grant one internet wish for you. I don’t know what that means either, but I will. I’ve been scouring Asos, Amazon, Pinterest and H&M and haven’t found anything quite right yet. The boobs and price certainly present the larger challenge, but you know, this is a real thing I want.
Can be sent via ask box or email — vainglorious.sarah at gmail.