vainglorious

Wrote this after getting out of the Athens-Clarke County Jail for a few days… Edited slightly to not be quite as embarrassing. Debating linking to the blog, it is mortifying — I talk about why I voted for Bush.

Things I Learned in Jail

Other than, it sucks.

• “Black and white be smokin’ crack tonight.” - Tupac Shakur said it best, white people and black people can both be crackheads/whores. Crack is not racist. The majority of the crackheads in the A-CC Jail were white as can be. Their teeth weren’t though, yellowish-brown sells it best.
• Being addicted to crack causes you do crazy, crazy shit, but you aren’t guilty of any crime. The dope is to blame for that burglary charge, forgery charge, motor vehicle theft charge, prostitution charge, and that possession charge.
• Jail is no fun, but you can talk on the phone(collect), watch TV(same channel all day), and converse with your friends(inmates).
• Shackles are painful and hard to walk in. Cuffs on your ankles hurt. It’s not like we’re going to escape on the way to court. Yeah I’m just going to run away wearing a jumpsuit with CLARKE COUNTY JAIL on the back and not get picked up by the fuzz. Whatever.
• Mexicans will pay you 5,000 dollars if you marry them to get them a green card. I know because my fellow cellmate did just that, she raves about it.
• Just because you are addicted to crack at 7 months pregnant, that does not mean you baby is going to be f-ed up. It’s a possibility, but not a certainty. Totally glad to hear that one.
• The padded cells have nothing in them, not even a toilet, just a hole in the floor. No I wasn’t in a padded cell.
  
• Sex between guards and inmates is fairly common. Especially female guards and female inmates, I did not witness this but heard explicit(gross) stories.
• Having a child at 17 is not the best idea, especially if you are a crack whore.
• Nothing good comes out of Madison County, GA. And I mean nothing.
• There is a side of Athens that many of us UGA students will never see. I learned some good places to buy crack, the best place to get shot, and neighborhoods to never visit.
• Just because someone is in jail, does not mean they won’t try to tell you about God, Jesus and the Bible.
• No one in jail is guilty.

That’s it. All in all, I learned more than I did in my Geology class.